Abduction
Abduction Trailer
The About face: Twilight's overrated Taylor Lautner stars as a kid who is raised by 'parents' who had kidnapped him as a toddler.The Wild side: For as long as he can remember, Nathan Harper (Taylor Lautner) has had the uneasy feeling that he's living someone else's life.
When he stumbles upon an image of himself as a little boy on a missing persons website, all of Nathan's darkest fears come true: he realizes his parents are not his own and his life is a lie, carefully fabricated to hide something more mysterious and dangerous than he could have ever imagined.
Just as he begins to piece together his true identity, Nathan is targeted by a team of trained killers, forcing him on the run with the only person he can trust, his neighbor, Karen (Lily Collins).
Every second counts as Nathan and Karen race to evade an army of assassins and federal operatives. But as his opponents close in, Nathan realizes that the only way he'll survive – and solve the mystery of his elusive biological father – is to stop running and take matters into his own hands.
The About face: Abduction, one of the worst reviewed movies (and worst movies, really), in history, (it has a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes), is new in theaters.
However, the studio behind it, Lionsgate, especially one of its execs, Joe Drake, a truly incompetent moron, has this to say about the laughable Taylor Lautner, who is no more believable as an action star than Miley Cyrus would be: "When you watch Taylor, he's like a young Tom Cruise. I know that Taylor and Lionsgate would both like to see this become a big franchise," he said. "You know, we think it's our Bourne (Ultimatum series)."
He can think all he wants, and may want to rethink his comments from last week, to Wild About Movies, which saw Abduction at CinemaCon earlier this year (in March) at which everyone, more than 1000 people, in the audience laughed hysterically at the site of Taylor Lautner in the inappropriate role, and horrible movie.
We have never given a movie a DOUBLE F. Abduction is the first, and hopefully last. And received the honor because anyone in their right mind would never have cast Taylor Lautner in the role, let alone made the movie.
Cast: Taylor Lautner, Lily Collins, Alfred Molina, Jason Issacs, Maria Bello, Michael Nyqvist, Sigourney Weaver
Director: John Singleton
Movie Studio: Lionsgate
Rating: PG-13 (For violence, language, adult situations)
Running Time: 100 minutes
Is it just us, or does not everyone - who is not a tween - realize that Taylor Lautner is gay? It's about as obvious as it was that Ricky Martin was gay, before he took the glass door off of the closet he was in. Or that Ryan Seacrest is, no matter how many beards - Julianne Hough, ugh - has on his arm(s). And who cares? The problem we have is that Lionsgate is trying to make an - gasp - action star out of Taylor Lautner, when we know that none of the Twilight stars (or Harry Potter kid stars, for that matter), will never attract an audience from roles other than those that made them famous in the first place. Never. Daniel Radcliffe has tried. Kristen Stewart has tried. Robert Pattinson has tried. And, try as much as they do, Lionsgate will have a big fat movie box office bomb with their Abduction. Taylor Lautner is a borderline midget. Yes, although IMDB alleges his height is 5', 10 1/2", his real height is 5', 7 1/2". He's about the same height as Tom Cruise. And while everyone knows that Tom Cruise is gay - (except, maybe, Tom Cruise), Tom Cruise, as much as he is a kook, can act and has charisma on and off screen, (we've interviewed Tom Cruise countless times, an attest to the facts), while Taylor Lautner can't and does not, (we've interviewed him, too). We saw the Abduction trailer at 2011 CinemaCon in Las Vegas, where it debuted to laughs. (It is not a comedy). Would the movie have the chance of being a hit with someone else in the starring role? In the hands of Shia LaBeouf (as much as we can't stand him) or Chris Pine, or even Liam Hemsworth, the movie would have had a chance of succeeding.
