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Deputy Jones Reno 911: Miami Star- Talks To WAM By Jessica Grant February 22, 2007 One cold and windy afternoon early this month, Deputy Jones made his way to Boston from Reno, NV, where his daily encounters with criminals, (crack whores, drug dealing grandmothers, pimp daddies and the like), are filmed for posterity and shown weekly on the Comedy Central basic cable channel. So popular is "Reno 911" on the tellie that 20th Century Fox/Paramount Pictures/Comedy Central decided it was high time to give "Reno 911" the big screen treatment. And only here will you get to see how hard it is to be an unappreciated cop in the only state in the nation in which prostitution is legal! Jessica Grant: On the show, was it hard to get used to the cameras following you arounad? Deputy Jones: Definitely, definitely. I don’t have cable and I don’t really watch the show, but I hear I’m not really painted in the best light. With the show, and the web of lies filmed, they don’t make us look very good. I think the film [Reno 911!: Miami] is crap. I finally saw it. I think there’s a lot of CGI work in the movie. There’s a kidnapping involved and I’m involved in it, and I think it’s like something George Lucas filmed, like Jar Jar Binks. It’s like they got that black guy Michael Winslow from Police Academy or something. In the movie you get kidnapped by a drug lord, right? Yeah, that whole thing. Ok, maybe it went down, it sorta kinda happened. So it did happen? [Long Pause] No comment. Were you weary of making a full length movie out of the half hour TV show? Well, how it was fed to us was like a cereal of crap, they fed us crap cereal. It was “heroes on the patrol: Southwestern edition”, we were told. The show and this 20th Century Fox Hollyweirdo thing. You signed a release though, you were willing to do this. I don’t read from time to time, and they gave us a release thing, and I was like “Whatever, I don’t want to read”, you know. I don’t read my instructions for Pop Tarts, I think I know how to make a Pop Tart. So I didn’t read it, and maybe that’s my bad, or maybe it’s their’s. So no sequel? I’m thinking about it. Frankly it depends on how much tail I get. We’ll see how the movie does, or documentary or whatever it is and we’ll see if I come out ahead. What’s your favorite kind of Pop Tart? Very good question. I like cherry, or strawberry with the red and white sprinkles on top. I haven’t eaten yet, maybe that’s why I’m still drunk, I need some bread or something to soak it up. Who do you hate on the Reno force? That question’s come up, and frankly it’s an inappropriate question, who I hate. But yeah, Trudy Weigal. I don’t like her. I hate her. Beside from the obvious, she’s not a good looking woman, and I think that is the number reason why I don’t like her. She’s a terrible human being. She really is. She has been mean to me on different occasions. Here and there, she says inapropriate things. The n-word is flying out of her mouth freely and flowing. But that part doesn’t hurt me that much, I mean we all say it, c’mon. It’s not Communist China, we can all say the n-word. I don’t think she’s very clean. What do you think of your fellow Reno officers wearing short-shorts and having mustaches? Some people need help, and some people need more help than others. Me, I’m a black, Greek god and I don’t need a mustache to cover up any flaws. I have one of the best upper top lips that one can have and I don’t want to cover it up. Some people have hair lips, and I’m not going to name names...okay, I am, Junior. Junior has a horrible hair lip and it’s kind of better to cover it up. Short-shorts, you know, to each his own. I have great legs, but there are a lot of weeds and Reno, and I don’t like to get scraped up like that. How do you like your partner, Deputy Garcia? He’s a very angry man. He does a lot of things angry, going for the restroom for one. You’d think you’d be most relaxed in the rest room, but no, it’s like Normandy in there. I’m not even going to talk about the odor. Does anyone hit on you on the Reno Staff? Renicia Williams, she loves the kid, man. She does have a big butt, her southern nether regions are blessed. She’s good that way. Then we have Clementine Johnson, she is an absolute angel. She smells like honey suckle and vanilla, and gin. I’ve never smelled anything like it. She’s an amazing person. Ever have a guy hit on you? I don’t know. Lt. Dangle and I have a special relationship, he is my superior, and he is a great human being. He’s asked me to go see Dreamgirls many a time. That’s not the type of movie I’m interested in seeing. I love Fried Green Tomatoes. When you all were in Miami, you had a huge responsibility in keeping the peace. Do you think you succeeded or do you think you completely failed? Wow, that’s a loaded question. I mean, hello, we saved the day! I mean, not that many people died. Forty, fifty people, maybe. We were there for a couple of days. Did you like Miami overall? Mmm, “Mi-yummy”! Miami is beautiful, plenty of yummy brown people, and arresting them sometimes is a lot harder because of all the oils and lotions they have. I like Reno people, the criminals are much drier. I think we’re modern day heroes. When you have a cat in a tree, who do you call? Reno? Exactly. What famous historical figure would you compare yourself to? I would compare myself to one: Booker T. Washington, um, that girl who freed the slaves. Anne Frank. Those creep me out, attics, I’m really scared of those. Actually, that reminds me of something, I have a ghost in my attic right now. I don’t like it, I really don’t look forward to going home right now.
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